


What IS and what definitely should be

by sinfuldesire_archivist



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Crossover, During Canon, First Time, Humor, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2007-07-24
Updated: 2007-07-24
Packaged: 2018-09-03 06:59:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,678
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8701984
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sinfuldesire_archivist/pseuds/sinfuldesire_archivist
Summary: A typical Wincest plot with an unexpected twist. Sam's hidden feelings for his older brother come to the surface, and when Dean inquires about it, the two of them quickly find themselves passing the point of no return. However, sometimes we should look at the difference between what we want to be true and what really is true.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Note from the Sinful Desire archivists: this story was originally archived at [Sinful-Desire.org](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Sinful_Desire). To preserve the archive, we began importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in November 2016. We e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact us using the e-mail address on [Sinful Desire collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/sinfuldesire/profile).
> 
>  **Author's notes:** This is just a fun little one-shot that I wrote a few days ago when I was having a particualarly strong craving for some action between our two favorite boys. More stories on the way!

“Dean! Come on! I need that incantation!” Sam called frantically, keeping his eyes on the girl in front of him who was being possessed. “I don’t know how much longer we can contain it! What the hell are you doing over there?”

 

“Cool it, Sammy,” Dean responded as calmly as possible from the other side of the room. “I’m looking for it. She’s under the Devil’s trap. We have time, and it doesn’t help to have you yelling at me.”

 

Sam sighed, and fidgeted with the fabric of his shirt nervously. He knew that the Devil’s trap was strong, but it was still less than comforting to be standing only three feet away from the thing that had just killed over five people without stopping for a breath. He would never admit it to his older brother, but something about that level of heartlessness still sent a chill through his body no matter how many times he witnessed it.

 

“Sam Winchester,” the girl spoke suddenly, her frozen velvety voice making him wince and take a worried step back.

 

“That’s me,” he retorted, attempting to sound as empty and unfeeling as the demon. “That’s a name you’re going to have a long time to think about once we send you back to hell where you belong.”

 

“Sam, enough with the small-talk,” Dean said, glancing over at the two of them. “She’ll only try and provoke you, and I’m almost ready to exorcize the bitch, so just shut up.”

 

Sam closed his mouth promptly, a little stung, and the demon laughed icily.

 

“Dean, he isn’t exactly Mr. Feel-good, is he?”

 

Sam narrowed his eyes and turned away, determined to ignore her, but she kept talking as smoothly as though they were two friends having a casual conversation over coffee.

 

“I know how you feel about him, Sammy,” she hissed, and Sam felt blood rushing to his cheeks.

 

Just…ignore…her…he reminded himself stubbornly. She’s trying to get to you…any way she can…just ignore it.

 

“I know you want…more,” she continued with a satisfied smile. “I know you want to be closer to him…and sometimes it hurts so badly that you feel like you might explode.”

 

“Shut up you bitch!” Sam finally growled as quietly as possible. “You have no idea what the fuck you’re talking about, so shut it.”

 

“Can you really look at me and tell me that I’m wrong?” she asked softly, with a flicker of laughter darting across her features, and Sam turned away, shifting his weight anxiously.

 

“DEAN!” he suddenly yelled in annoyance, “Any day now!”

 

“Yea, yea, I got it!” Dean called back, pulling himself to his feet and turning to a page in the dusty book that he held in his hands. “Jesus Christ, though, could it have been any more obscure? Anyway, alright you evil shit, you’re going down, literally.”

 

He started to mutter the Latin phrase, and the girl began to writhe and twist in her chair, moaning and baring her teeth in anger.

 

“Don’t forget our little secret, Sammy,” she hissed, and with one last raking laugh that seemed to scrape down the entire length of Sam’s body, she screamed, and a rushing cloud of blackness exploded from her mouth and disappeared in to the ground.

 

With a small groan, the girl who had been the demon’s vessel opened her eyes weakly and looked at the two brothers in relief and gratitude.

 

“You…saved my life…” she whispered weakly.

 

Dean shrugged his shoulders and smiled a little smugly.

 

“Yup. No thanks required. That evil son of a bitch won’t be bothering anyone else for a long, long time.”

 

The girl returned his smile and then closed her eyes again in complete exhaustion.

 

“Let’s get you to a hospital,” Sam said gently, and Dean nodded in agreement, stepping forward to help the girl to her feet.

 

“Don’t you worry about a thing,” he said. “It’s all over now, and everything’s going to be fine. I promise.”

 

Sam held on to the girl’s other arm and smiled in assurance, although secretly…he felt that everything was most definitely not going to be fine, especially if his brother had heard the little conversation that had taken place between him and the demon, more specifically, his lack of a denial for the things she had pointed out.

 

Dammit, he thought to himself, how in the hell am I going to explain this?

 

 

 

 

 

They were lying on the cheap twin beds that had been provided to them by the Sunkissed Motel, and Sam was pretending to read a book while Dean flipped idly through the television channels, pausing for no longer than a second at each one. Finally, Sam heard the static click of the power being turned off, and his heart sped up perceptively.

 

Please don’t let him say anything. Please don’t let him say anything.

 

“So, Sammy,” Dean said, clearing his throat, and Sam felt his throat tighten. “How’s that book? Stimulating?”

 

Sam tried to shrug casually.

 

“Sure, it’s pretty good,” he mumbled, burying his face even deeper into the pages.

 

“Mm-hmm…” Dean responded, “So good that you need to spend an hour analyzing each page?”

 

Sam blushed in embarrassment, looking over at his brother.

 

“Fine, you caught me. I’m not really reading it. You happy?” he snapped, much more annoyance in his tone than he had intended to use.

 

“Jeeze, someone’s a little touchy,” Dean said in surprise. “I was just asking. No need to break out the claws here.”

 

Sam sighed, mentally chiding himself for being so on-edge.

 

“Sorry,” he said apologetically. “You know, rough day…”

 

There was a moment of awkward silence that seemed to pass much more slowly than it usually would have, and then Dean cleared his throat again.

 

“Rough because of…a killer demon? Or rough because of…something else?”

 

Sam felt his breath catch in his throat, and his fingers tightened about the spine of the book.

 

“What are you talking about?” he asked quietly, stealing at glance at Dean’s nervous expression and wishing that he could be anywhere else in the world.

 

Dean caught his eyes and then looked away quickly, reaching up to smooth his hair.

 

“Well, you know…I was just wondering about, I mean I just thought you might, you might maybe have something that you wanted to talk about, something that’s maybe been on your mind…or not, I mean whatever, I was just…wondering…”

 

His voice trailed off, and Sam briefly thought that if the situation had been different, he would have found his brother’s nervousness very amusing. However, at this very moment, it only made their conversation more difficult, and he could feel himself starting to sweat under his shirt.

 

He obviously heard what the demon said, He thought, his imagination speeding into overdrive. I know him too well. There’s no way he would have misinterpreted that. SHIT!! SHIT!!! What am I supposed to say?

 

“Ok Dean,” he suddenly blurted out before he could truly get a handle on what exactly he wanted to say. “Ok you heard the conversation and don’t play dumb. This is obviously what you’re trying to get at. Fine. Fine! You heard it all! Ok! I’m a freak! Ok, I’m a crazy twisted guy and that fucking demon knew it and I didn’t deny it.”

 

Dean was watching him with wide eyes and his mouth practically falling open, and Sam suddenly felt like slapping himself across the face for blatantly and willingly admitting what he had convinced himself he would deny at all costs.

 

All he could do was stare at Dean with equally-wide eyes and pray that this was all some kind of nightmare that he would wake up from at any moment.

 

The two boys sat in absolute silence for a few extremely prolonged seconds, each completely motionless, as though a single movement might bring them fully into the reality of what had just been said.

 

Finally, when the tension was about to explode in the air around them, Dean let out a small laugh, and Sam looked at him in surprise.

 

“Are you making fun of me?” he asked, pretending to be upset, but secretly relieved at his brother’s reaction.

 

Dean laughed again.

 

“No, Sammy, it’s not that. It’s just that…it’s not a big deal, and the way you’re acting, you would think it was the end of the world!”

 

Sam raised an eyebrow.

 

“Dean, the last time I checked, it was not normal to be having a conversation like this with your brother.”

 

“Yea, but I mean, come on, Sammy,” Dean continued, getting up and moving over to sit beside Sam on the bed, “when you think about it, we spend every waking minute of our time together, every sleeping minute too, actually, but anyway…my point is that all the significant moments in our lives have happened to us together, and we hardly have time for anyone else…so it’s natural that you would look to our, well, our relationship for your…other needs as well, because you don’t really have anywhere else to look!”

 

Sam winced.

 

“This is so not like you,” he said quietly. “I thought you’d tell me to stop being a little freak, or something along those lines. I might have preferred it actually…at least then I could forget about it and move on.”

 

Dean looked him over in a very un-brotherly way that made Sam squirm, his eyes lingering on each of Sam’s features.

 

“You know,” he said quietly, “sometimes I still think about you as a little boy…you know…little Sammy who I have to protect, but you’re really not a kid anymore, are you?”

 

Sam smiled reluctantly.

 

“Not for a while now,” he said softly, wondering where the conversation was heading.

 

Dean suddenly reached up and put his hand on Sam’s shoulder, making him inhale sharply in surprise.

 

“You’re a good…man, Sammy,” he whispered, “and I’m proud to have you in my life, really…I am.”

 

Sam nodded, unable to speak. This was going too far…His heart was pounding in his chest, and his handle on the situation was slipping further and further away from him.

 

“Alright,” he said quickly, turning away from his brother and clearing his throat. “Well, I guess we should, uh, hit the sack, huh? Big day tomorrow…”

 

He started to rise from the bed, but Dean rested a hand on his knee, pushing him back down.

 

“Just wait,” he said, his voice taking on a tone that Sam had never heard before. “Just…listen to your feelings, ok? It’s better than trying to push them down.”

 

Sam sighed, his worst fears confirmed.

 

“Dean…if I listen to my feelings…well…do I really have to tell you? And…I just don’t think either of us is, or should be, willing to go there.”

 

Dean cut him off by shaking his head.

 

“Maybe that’s the only way we’re going to get some kind of closure,” he said, inching his fingers ever-so-slightly up Sam’s leg.

 

Sam shut his eyes tightly, trying to sort through the conflicting feelings that were rushing through every vein in his body.

 

This was so wrong…He was completely aware of that fact…and yet, something unexplainable inside of him just wouldn’t let him push back.

 

He tried one last desperate attempt to put an end to the situation.

 

“Dean, think about what you’re saying for one second,” he choked out, but Dean cut him off again.

 

“No, you stop thinking so much for one second, Sammy,” he whispered, his eyes burning fiercely into his brother’s.

 

Against every single ounce of his better judgment, Sam felt himself leaning in closer so that he could feel Dean’s hot breath against his skin.

 

“This is so not normal,” he said, itching to close the small gap between them and feel the touch of Dean’s lips on his own.

 

Dean smiled, letting his gaze drift to Sam’s chest.

 

“Who wants normal, anyway?” he asked gently, and then, with only a brief second’s pause, he leaned in and pressed his mouth firmly against Sam’s, silencing whatever it was that he had been about to say.

 

Sam felt a shiver course down his spine, and he was only able to form a half-thought about how completely and utterly strange the entire chain of events was before desire took hold and all other concerns were temporarily pushed aside.

 

He opened his mouth slightly, responding eagerly to the kiss, and Dean flicked his tongue lightly against his brother’s upper lip, causing Sam to moan softly in pleasure.

 

Dean reached around to run his fingers through Sam’s hair, finally pulling his head strongly into the kiss so that the two boys were frantically pressed up against each other as though they couldn’t possibly get as close as they needed to be.

 

Sam’s hands were shaking, but he slipped them slowly underneath the fabric of Dean’s T-shirt, savoring the feeling of hot skin under his fingertips. Dean copied the motion, and soon both boys were sliding out of their shirts and pushing themselves together so that their bare chests were touching and exchanging body heat that was rapidly growing with each second.

 

Dean let his hands fall to Sam’s belt, and his fingers worked briskly to undo it as Sam started to breathe rapidly, knowing what was coming.

 

“Shhh,” Dean whispered in reassurance. “Just relax, Sammy. Just relax and trust me.”

 

Sam swallowed and nodded, letting himself be gently pushed on to his back.

 

Dean was breathing heavily too, and as he pulled Sam’s jeans from his body, he let out a sigh of anticipation that Sam could feel rippling through him.

 

“Dean, hurry,” he groaned, “I can’t stand this…”

 

Dean hardly needed the encouragement, and he had already started to unbutton his own pants, which he quickly added to the growing pile of clothes on the floor beside them.

 

Both boys were now only wearing their boxers, and the thin layer of fabric didn’t mask their increasing desire.

 

Dean lowered himself on top of Sam and moaned as their skin connected. He pressed himself down, creating the friction that they both needed, and Sam felt his breath catch in his throat, craving more.

 

He reached up to wrap his arms around Dean’s lower back, pulling them more forcefully together, and Dean groaned again.

 

“God, Sammy,” he whispered, “God…”

 

Sam could only sigh in response, and he slipped his fingers beneath the band of Dean’s boxers suggestively, needing them to be closer, even closer than they were now, as close as they could possibly-

 

 

 

 

 

 

“Wow, what an interesting plot. I have to say, I’m intrigued.”

 

Jared jumped to his feet in surprise, snapping his journal shut and turning a brilliant shade of pink.

 

“JENSEN!” he growled angrily, “what are you doing??? Are you reading my journal??”

 

Jensen laughed and threw Jared a teasing wink.

 

“Well, you looked so inspired! I couldn’t help sneaking a peak over your shoulder, and wow, what an…interesting discovery I made!”

 

Jared opened his mouth in a mixture of indignation and embarrassment.

 

“Well, you just…you shouldn’t be, I mean, why are you….just fuck off ok!” he spluttered, realizing how ridiculous he sounded. “How would you feel if I read your secret little love letters from…Caroline…or Cheryl, or whatever her name is.”

 

Jensen laughed, completely un-phased.

 

“You mean, Carol, as in my cousin carol?” he asked, his eyes twinkling in amusement.

 

Jared stared, taken aback and opened and closed his mouth wordlessly.

 

Jensen laughed again and ruffled Jared’s hair, smiling widely.

 

“Let me know when part two comes out, will you?” he said. “Really, you got me hooked.”

 

Jared blinked and tried to say something, but Jensen was already walking away towards the trailer, humming cheerfully to himself.

 

“We’ll try it out sometime, huh big Jar?” he called over his shoulder. “See if the plot has…potential, you know.”

 

Jared watched Jensen’s receding figure in disbelief, wondering if his co-actor would ever, ever cease to amaze him.


End file.
